If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
