So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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