My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize