All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
