I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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