dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
