I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
