i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
