I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
