the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
