Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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