let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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