My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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