he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
