I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
