Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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