Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
