Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
