I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
