Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
