He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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