we're blogging at a bar
one might say we're banned from that church
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
