Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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