I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
