I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
