brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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