i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
