I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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