The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
