we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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