Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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