You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
