you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
