Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
