I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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