i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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