tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
