he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
