I think I won the penis lottery.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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