What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
