Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
