They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
