I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
