you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
