mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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