If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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