I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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