I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
