Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
