There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
