i was born a porn star she said
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
