Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
