I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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