um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
