Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
