Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
