I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
