I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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