I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
