So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
