hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
