oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize