She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
