this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
