So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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