Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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