Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
did you just send me my own nude
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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