I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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