did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just cut my nipple shaving
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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