dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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