Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
