is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
