All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he shaved USA in his pubs
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
