I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
