I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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