Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
